10.  Erap wakes up and starts acting like President William McKinley (U.S. president in 1900):  "Ronnie, let's Christianize them little brown indios!"

9. Private drivers of Cabinet members pick up their bosses in luxury calesas (horse-drawn carriages) adorned with rice stalks and palm, banana, and sugarcane leaves to herald a century of prosperous commodity exports.  Centennial slogan:  "We shall impress the world with our quality bananas!"

8. Presidential spokesman Gerry Barican holds a press conference defending Generalissimo Emilio Aguinaldo against the slanderous insinuation that the general ordered the murder of Ka Andres Bonifacio:  "FVR did it!"

7. Speaker Manuel Villar pushes for the investigation of the 1898 Treaty of Paris hoping that his real estate empire can have a piece of the action:  "Twenty million for the whole Philippine archipelago?   Darn--Camilla Homes can give you a much better deal than that!"

6. PNP Chief Panfilo Lacson orders his legal aide to see if the writ of habeas corpus is still in the law books:  "Screw the rights of Kuratong Baleleng gangsters!  Let's blow their heads off!"

5. Mark Jimenez wants to know if General Antonio Luna's La Independencia newspaper is up for sale:  "Anything for Concord!"

4. Imelda Marcos goes berserk over the disappearance of her Cayman Islands bank accounts:   "I told him!  I told Ferdie not to sell those goddamn gold bars for cash!  Irene 'Arenetta,' hija--how are those Swiss accounts doing?  I need you!  Shoes for food--anyone?"

3. Super-achiever Senator Miriam Santiago calls up top schools around the world (e.g., Harvard, Oxford, University of Michigan, Iloilo Provincial High School) to see if records of her degrees and graduate credits are still on file:   "Just making sure--I'm the idol of the Filipino youth, you know."

2. FVR wakes up to find out that the Saguisag report (implicating him in the Centennial Expo scandal) is still on his desk, and in a truly pitiful display of uncharacteristic wimpiness, Steady Eddie wipes a tear in his eye and curls into a fetus:  "How the hell did I get into this mess?"

And the number one thing that can happen to Philippine politicians when the Y2K bug hits:

1. Nothing.  Most Filipino politicians over 35 years old don't use computers:  "Microchips? Uhhh ... Are those the ones found next to the Oreo cookies?"