Simpson: Can an actor be a good president? (Carole aimed for the jugular.)

Estrada: I think it has been proven by President Reagan (pronounced as Ree-gun), an actor being a president of the most powerful nation in the world. He was reelected by a landslide, so if the most powerful nation can elect a movie actor as a president, I don’t see any reason why the Philippines, a small country, cannot elect a movie actor as the president. (The most powerful nation also elected Nixon ... and Dan Quayle.)

Simpson: What’s with the pompadour? (From the jugular, Carole went for the frontal lobe--executed like a true investigative journalist.)

Estrada: Huh, this is like the hair of ex-President Reagan. (What’s with the fixation with Reagan? Doesn’t Erap know that it was under Reagan that the U.S. registered the worst budget and trade deficit in America’s history?)

Simpson: Is that real hair? (The American audience must have cheered at this juncture: The crucial truth hath to be known, regardless of who gets hurt.)

Estrada: Of course! He, he, he, he, he. He, he, he, he, he. (Erap was thoroughly amused by Carole’s naughty questions. At this point, Carole licked her lower lip--probably an innocent act of wholesome flirtation, but I couldn’t help but have a sinister vision of “Chick Boy” Erap suddenly transformed into a raging bull about to lunge at a taunting red flag.)

Simpson: Is it dyed hair like Ronald Reagan? (This hair thing went on a little too long.)

Estrada: No, no--it’s not dyed. (Of course, it’s still “alive”--a little Eraption there for you.)

Simpson: They tell me that you always played the good guys battling for the underdog, the little fellow. (Erap was still proudly feeling the thick lobe of his pompadour when this totally new topic came up.)

Estrada: Yeah. (Said like a true Atenean.)

Simpson: Why did those roles appeal to you?

Estrada: I know more about the problems of these poor people. In my country, at least 40 percent still live below poverty line. I’ll see to it that every Filipino will eat three square meals a day. (As Erap answered this question, the camera showed a fuller shot of him, quickly focusing on his midsection. For no apparent reason, I thought of Viagra. I wonder what Carole was thinking--this African-American woman who may, quite possibly, “know” African men of Zulu origin. She could have said something candid like, “I know Zulu tribesmen. Mr. President, from where I am, I can tell you’re no Zulu” or something like that.)

Simpson: Are you kind of a wild guy? (I thought she’d never ask.)

Estrada: I’m never wild. During my younger days ... you know, as a normal young man, you have flings in your life, but as you grow older you mellow. You become more responsible. (Erap’s youngest progeny according to one newspaper report is only two years old. Does that mean Erap was certifiably “irresponsible” as of 1996?)

Simpson: What do you think about that whole Clinton sex scandal? (Obviously Carole was not briefed about Erap’s stock response to this issue: “Clinton gets all the scandals, I get all the sex.”)

Estrada: As far as I’m concerned, (Erap rolled his tongue even more than usual. He pronounced his S’s and C’s like Z’s--"Azz far azz I’m conzzerned"--sounding like a groggy version of modern day Renaissance man Raul Manglapus.) we must distinguish between public sins and private sins, and as long as we do our job as a public servant, as public officials, I think the people have nothing to take issue against us. My name is never involved in any kind of graft and corruption, (Curiously, Erap touched his nose when he said this; if the body-language book I once read was right, Erap just told a lie.) so I think the people just didn’t bother about these personal issues about womanizing.

Simpson: Did your opponents ever try to make an issue of that in the campaign? (Obviously, Carole didn’t do research on this assignment.)

Estrada: Oh yes, but it didn’t ... it didn’t affect me any ... one bit. In fact, I say that my life is transparent. ( Perhaps he meant “see-through?”)

Simpson: Your life is transparent? (She meant, “Your life is transparent?”)

Estrada: Yes, I never hide anything. (Hmmm. I wondered where Bunny German watched the Erap inaugural.)